Science, Vicariously

Entry #1

December 26, 2024

Today I created a website. Maybe it manifested from that post-Christmas slump after the month-plus-long holiday hype culminates in one day of strewn wrapping paper, stuffed bellies, and family gatherings. Or maybe I wanted to get back to writing but didn’t want to use 100% of my brain power to work on some grant edits. Either way, here I am and here you are. Welcome!

It took me a moment to think of a title for this entry. “Confessions of a former researcher” came about when I began reflecting on my seven years, yes SEVEN, spent in graduate school. Though the days (years) were long and tiring, I actually miss them quite a lot. As someone who thrives on variety and un-mundaneness, it really was the perfect setting. So why did I leave research? There were definitely aspects I didn’t enjoy (see: Western Blots, PCR, failed experiments). Not to mention the crushing self-doubt and imposter syndrome that I’d never be great enough to run my own laboratory. But I found a surprisingly rich pool of non-researchy careers available to me after graduation.

Throughout grad school I dabbled in some extracurriculars to keep me sane. These were a smattering of short internships and volunteer positions that all had something to do with science communication and outreach. So naturally I leaned towards science communication careers. My first, and current, job out of grad school is as a grant writer. A position my former mentor referred to as a “mini PI.” In a way, he was right – I sit on my computer all day and get data from lab members that I craft into research proposals. I do love being so close to the science and man did grad school prepare me for this sort of career, but I can’t help feeling like I’m missing something.

Grad school was hard, sure, but it was also the best years of my life. Looking back at pictures from that era, I can see how much fun I really had in the midst of the chaos. Crying out of happiness from an experiment finally working or feeling immense pride from finishing a first-author paper are experiences that I fear I won’t have again. Not to mention my first love, the microscope.

So here’s to 2025. Soon to be a year of soul searching and possibly a new career. One thing that grad school for sure taught me was to go with the freaking flow. Now, off I go jumping into this next season. Wish me luck!!

CC